did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Randomize
