Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I will pee on everything he values.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
