you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
