Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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