I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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