smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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