so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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