Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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