i don't like sucking hair
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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