and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
