Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
