I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
