WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
