Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
