so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
