Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
