If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
