Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
