Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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