how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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