Just fell off a train. Bad.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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