sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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