I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
