see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
