how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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