i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
