I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
