Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
