it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
