Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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