They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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