Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
