I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
