tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
