Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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