In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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