Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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