He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
They took my balls.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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