I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
