the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
