she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
