Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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