Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
