he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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