tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I would ride that face into the sunset
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
