it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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