Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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