I'm passing your future prison.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
