Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
