remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
