The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
